im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
