i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize