i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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