i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
