i need an iv and a liver transplant
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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