i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
