I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
