I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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