You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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