i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
