I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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