how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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