The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
