Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
