My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize