she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
