While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
