ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize