I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
