do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
