WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
