is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
