This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
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and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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