Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize