His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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