If that was your dad, he is hot
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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