I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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