Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
