When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize