I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
