I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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