Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
