I hate your face
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
