I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
