don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
