love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
