i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
