I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
