It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
