Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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