My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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