According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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