i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
