Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's never too late to be topless.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
