He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
