im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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