i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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