Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
