I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
