Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
