i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
