I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
