He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
