his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
