I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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