Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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