yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
