If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
