3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Never underestimate the power of titties
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
